Its unfortunate that the initial comments closed the door on this issue. I read the piece and wanted to comment. After reading the opening comments I felt there was little point, it seems that vitriol towards fathers has more traction. After the choice to parent my partner miscarried more than once. Painful, as a man powerless, but not to keep trying. Complications of a fibroid I eventually named Phylis the fibroid. Saturday morning on the bathroom floor crying because of blood only to find out later that the baby is still there.
Of course I cannot respond for Keith and the point that he wanted to make, but I greatly admire his courage, and respect both his willingness to be so vulnerable and his taking the time to articulate his experience.
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Oh, the anguish, I know it well. Keith, Thanks for sharing the truth of your experience. Its also not easy being a parent and step parent. I feel for you. I just experienced your life based off your reply. Hope all is okay. You did your best and unfortunately you were critiqued for your attempts to make your spouse happy. While I am unable to respond fully, here, to the very legitimate issues and questions raised, perhaps the following will clarify a few things.
Not to jump on the bashing bandwagon, because I do think the author shares a valid point that some many? Wow, a single researcher has discovered the ultimate truth behind the behaviour of the majority of human males in western society who leave their families after the birth of a child! She must be a real genius if she has single-handedly solved this mystery once and for all, nevermind the myriad of social and biological factors at play. Being self sufficient means emotionally neglecing your children? There is no excuse for doing something that heartless.
Natasha, This is not meant to excuse men who leave their families, its to shine light on a phenomenon that occurs too often. The more we understand why we do what we do, the better able we are to be the kind of men we want to be, for ourselves, our wives, and our children.
Bloomberg - Are you a robot?
Everyone has to make their own choices about the kind of birth that is right for them and their baby. And everyone makes the best choice, given what they know. Life and death!!?? I ask you do you have any evidence that pain relievers decrease morbidity…. The snared euphoric state a mother and child have together after birth during natural drug free birth is higher than any natural level of chemical release found in humans under any circumstance,stance. The hospital is the second leading cause of death in the world.
Women today are too weak to give birth as women have been doing for millions of years. Modern moedicine and society has pacified women and men alike. Mentally, the human race is weaker than it has ever been and there are consequences. The natural bond between an infant and mother is essentially concentrated during the first few moments after birth. This is why so many mother are diagnosed with PPD — a diagnosis that has risen with the advent of modern medicine. I was looking for a great partner, friend, lover, etc.
And a great lover. Because I have a business partner and male friends and our marriages are ok with all those other relationships. Suck it up, man up, etc….
So, I pushed my own needs down. But this kind of information would have helped, had I had the courage to seek it out and take heed of the warnings. Im really not sure how I feel about this article.
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I understand how men can feel left out of the baby bonding time. Even the most successful mommys need time to regenerate. At these times, it is imperative the man assert his position as caregiver. Not only does this give bonding time with the father, but the wide gets a big of a break and is much less likely to talk baby talk to the husband after being baby-centric for extended period of time. Lynette, Your points are well taken. Shame often increases and keeps a man from talking about his feelings.
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This Is What Really Should Be Said About Fathers Who Abandon Their Children
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